How to Escape the Valley Of Despair
The Valley of Despair is place you enter when you’ve failed consistently and now you feel that you’re not good at anything. Your identity has been destroyed and you feel that the life you’re living is not one you wanted. It’s where you sulk and cry about your miseries. If you lose yourself here, your life is wasted. It’s better to stretch your muscles and climb out, even if it takes every ounce of energy. There is no other choice, you have to escape. And you will!
Identity Crisis
Recreate your identity. If you’re previous identity is tarnished, think of this a great opportunity to become a new person. If you were known as a great student once but you’re pretty bad now, maybe it’s time to be known as someone else. Find what you’re good at and brand yourself. Be respected for what you’re good at. Remember the times you won at something. Use that energy and fuel your future. You have a clean slate, be who you want to be.
Respect Yourself
Don’t settle for an okay life. Respect yourself, your time and your potential. Go for the best job, go for the best place you can be at, go for the best. Don’t be ungrateful but always believe that you deserves the best in the world. And be optimistic and have faith in your life. You’re destined for greatness. Imagine the life you want and then work hard for that. Life is buffet, you can have everything as long as you’re willing to pay for it.
Victimization Trap
You can’t control everything, you can only control yourself. You are a speck of dust in the universe. Stop trying to control people and stop trying to control reality. Take a lot of deep breaths and stay calm. No one did this to you and you cannot blame anyone. Everyone goes through shit but your shit is unique and you need to get out of it in your own unique way. Finding that way is the real challenge. Have courage!
Small Wins
So once you’re down in the Valley of Despair you need to climb out slowly. You need to do it step by step. Plan out small wins to regain your esteem and to generate motivation. Pick up absolutely minor things to help you take the small steps to climb out. Let’s say you want to be the best software developer, start by making absolutely basic stuff. That’ll show you that you’re capable of doing it. You need to get back on track. Just like a car, start in the first gear and slowly pick up speed. You can’t run like a Ferrari if your engine is dead.
Plan Your Systematic Rise
Learn to plan. Breakdown your long term goals. But at the same time don’t get stuck in planning, take action now! Don’t procrastinate. Any action is better than no action. During your rise, take breaks but stay consistent. You’re responsible for your own progress, no one else is. No one will hold your hand to cross the road. You just have to make sure that your tomorrow is better than your today. Rob Dial from The Mindset Mentor podcast brings us the 1–3–1 Method to solve problems. You have one problem, devise three possible solutions for it and then keep each of these as you see fit. Remember, you have to deal the cards you were dealt with life. Life is tailored it to you. It’s not happening to you, it’s happening for you.
Fail On Purpose
You’re afraid of failure and as long as that stays there, you will not take the risks necessary to achieve greatness. You need to fail quick and as much as possible. If you fear failure, you don’t fail enough and you don’t learn from it. Failure is important for growth. Remember, you win or you learn. Miss some shots, it’s fine. Make mistakes and apologize later. Everything you do is meant to happen and challenges only make you stronger. Embrace the battlefield.
You’re Human
You’re trying your best. Don’t fret if things aren’t changing right now. Today’s effort will give you results in a few months. It’s all about compounding and consistency. Everything takes time but you need to be ready for the opportunity, you can’t miss the train. You also need to start fresh. Let things go, forget about it. Your regrets and your grudges need to go. Overcome them. As Najwa Zebian put it so beautifully, ‘These mountains you’re carrying you were only meant to climb.’
It’s important to realize that you’re capable. Anyone can do anything if they really put their mind to it. If you’re stuck, you have to get unstuck. You have to get out. Be responsible for yourself. And there’s no shame in asking for help. Sometimes you also need a hand to pull you up a ledge. Do everything for yourself now and then help others along the way just like I’m doing right now. Once you’re out of The Valley, then the next challenge begins. Be ready!
